A few weeks ago a friend asked me…
“How can I get more willpower? You know how some people have so much and other’s don’t?”
When he said this, I thought to myself, others are probably thinking the same thing, they want more willpower!
You say you want some willpower and I say no, no, no!
And here is why….
You’re killing yourself by comparison.
The people you perceive to have willpower are really just people who are highly congruent and living by their own set of values, no one else’s.
For example, my friend was comparing himself to a young fit athlete, thinking he’s out of shape and wondering why he doesn’t have the same discipline.
Is it that my friend isn’t disciplined? No, in fact, the guy works 12-hour days! Why? Because he values hard work and money – you’ll always act in accordance with your own values. The problem? He’s dishonouring his values by comparing himself to others and wearing himself out trying to do something that isn’t high on his values.
Willpower is finite and should be used sparingly!
Despite popular belief that willpower is synonymous to self-control and strength, willpower does NOT strengthen like a muscle, in fact, when used it weakens you. As seen in the Baumeister Experiments, willpower diminishes self-control by increasing your cognitive load. This diminishes a lot of the glucose in the brain, making you more prone to reactivity and mood swings. The more you use it, the harder it is to complete subsequent tasks, which inevitably leads to negative self-talk.
Negative self-talk is feedback that you’re not honouring your values.
When you set realistic expectations for yourself, you achieve the outcomes you set out to achieve, but when you dishonour your values, you set unrealistic expectations and set yourself up for failure. The negative feedback is letting you know that you’re not setting realistic goals in real time. This comes back to both knowing your values and honouring them.
When you honour your values you create flow, ease and energy.
Flow is what psychologist Mihaly calls “optimal experience,” a state of mind that allows you to be most effective, creative and innovate – a state where you grow and achieve most rapidly.
Flow arises from congruency (knowing, living by and honour your values).
So how do you become more congruent? First, you need to know what you value – what is most important to you and why.
To best help you, I have made a Values Verification PDF, which has a simple series of questions to help you gain clarity and awareness.
If you’d love me to send you the Values Verification PDF, please PM me your email via Facebook.
Also, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below! Have you ever experienced flow and if so, what have you done to create it?
Remember to share it in as much detail and possible. Your story could be the one that inspires others to move forward!
P.S. Know anyone who could benefit from this post? Please share it because you care!
Thanks so much for reading!
With love and appreciation.